Establishing Boundaries

This is an article that takes a look at healthy boundaries between people. It is from Coach University.

Boundaries are an imaginary line of protection that you draw around you. This is done to protect you, your soul and what’s important to you. Your boundaries are more important to you than they might be to others, or what others might want what you have.

You cannot grow without boundaries. However, you can learn how to design, implement and manage boundaries so that the process is effortless for you and for other.

Boundaries are about what others CANNOT do to you or around you. Boundaries are about other’s actions. If it has to do with YOU, it’s called a Standard, which is another lesson in the Personal Foundation Program. If it has to do with something that another MUST do to or for you, this called a Requirement (and has to do with the lesson on Getting Needs Met). It is helpful to understand the difference between these three. Just remember, that boundaries are what you establish to STOP people from doing certain things to or around you.

When a Person Has Healthy Boundaries

Fear diminishes significantly; trust is rarely an issue
Willing, healthy family members and true friends respect you more
They start growing more emotionally and developmentally

What happens When One’s Boundaries are Weak

They attract needy, disrespectful people into their lives
They waste much energy to keeping life going.

The 10 Steps to Having Extensive Boundaries

“Get” that you need to dramatically extend your boundaries
be willing to educate others on how to respect your boundaries
be relentless, yet not punitive, as you extend boundaries
Make a list of the 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you or say to you.
Sit down with each person involved and share with them your process here; get their commitment to honouring you.
Demand that every single person in your life is always unconditionally constructive in every single comment to you: No more digs, make-funs, deprecating remarks, criticisms,… No matter what or who or the situation.

Have and use a 4 step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries:

Inform them what they are doing
Request they stop immediately
Demand they stop
Walk away without any snappy or get-even comments

Make a list of 10 ways you are violating other’s boundaries
Stop violating the boundaries on that list
Reward, congratulate those who are respecting your boundaries.