What do You Really, Really Want?

I ask people all the time, what their goals are. Well, as a coach it's my job to help people find out what they want, and build a strategy to get there. Sometimes it's easier to come up with a list of things we don't want. These are often things that we call "tolerations". They are things that are in our lives that sap our energy.

These tolerations may be little things, or they may be bigger things. I'd say tolerating an untidy work space would be a smaller toleration, while putting up with an unhealthy relationship or frustrating job may be quite a large toleration. When it comes to making changes, awareness is an important first step. I know, I talk about awareness quite often. However, putting a new found insight into perspective may lead to some discomfort.

It becomes difficult to ignore the toleration once you've pin-pointed what it is! And especially hard, when you've figured out what it's actually costing you. However, even after these costs are very apparent, still some people have a hard time making the leap for change. Why is that? I am reminded of the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist Monk and poet, who said: "People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar." I am certain there is truth to this statement for many of us.

I was talking to my sister-in-law Caroline, and we shared stories of times when we resisted change in our lives. She shared this story of when she was in university and lived alone in her dorm room for a while. She didn't like many aspects of living on her own, but after six months, she did get accustomed and tolerated it. She thought about having another student join her but came up with lots of reasons why this change of new routine could be a bad choice. By chance, another student did ask to move in with her.

Caroline didn't like the loneliness of living alone in her place, but a new person moving in, this would mean change! Adjustment! New rules! Having to be tidy and organized all the time! A lot to think about. Finally, she did decide to let go of the familiar, and asked the student to come and move in. Caroline says, it was the best decision ever, they had a blast together and she realized just how lonely it would have been to continue to live alone. Her fears were actually never realized.

So, what do you really, really want? Take a look at what your goals are. If you are stuck in fear of the unknown or fears of things that may not necessarily come true, you may be suffering only because it is familiar. Take courage. Let go of suffering. Trust. And be free.