Guide Me Newsletter - Is the Need for Control Driving You (and others) Crazy?
(Jan. 2006)

Welcome to the January '06 issue of your Guide Me Newsletter. A new year has begun, and as your Guidance Coach, I strive to provide an inspirational, educational and interactive newsletter to kick off the year 2006. It is my hope that you gain wisdom and practical tips you can immediately apply in your own life. Let's talk about and explore what's really on your mind with real questions you'd like a new and positive perspective on!

To create this dialog, I invite you to send me your real questions you're stuck on! I will provide a Guidance Card and coaching tip on your question by sharing them in this newsletter (your name does not need to be used). It's an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding on many personal topics. Most likely, at some point we all come across similar questions and thus will appreciate exploring these questions for personal growth.
I hope you enjoy this month's issue. And keep emailing your Guidance questions to karin@guidancecards.com!

If you can't see the graphics or Guidance Card image in this newsletter, please go to the newsletter archives in my website, where you'll be able to see this month's issue and previous i ssues online at this page http://www.guidancecards.com/Newsletter/Index.php

Wishing you joy,
Karin Bauer
Life and Guidance Coach

P.S.: Don't forget to forward this newsletter to your friends, family and co-workers! Easily share the Guidance Cards website at this link http://www.guidancecards.com/Referral/Share_Friend.php

This month's topic: 'Transition'

Reader’s Guidance Question of the month:
"How can I ease up on being so task focused and wanting to control outcomes?"

Guidance Coach Karin’s Answer:
Congratulations for recognizing this behaviour in yourself, your honesty is commendable. As always, change starts with the recognition of something not working well and looking for ways to change. Not everyone will admit the 'need for control' consciously. The fact that you're asking this question shows maturity and an ability to look deeper within yourself.
Let’s examine this question more closely with a Guidance Card.
There are several Guidance Cards that would be helpful in exploring this question. I’ve chosen the card titled "Conscious Surrender" for your question. Here's the Conscious Surrender Guidance card:

Why use the "Conscious Surrender" card? The peaceful painting on this card is about letting go. Letting go is an art to be practiced with awareness. It is about surrendering yourself to the moment, what ever happens, happens. Remember, there is a time and place for being productive; for setting goals and finishing tasks. For example, when you bake a cake with a recipe, you need to be able to follow the instructions in a timely manner in order for the cake to turn out. This is a necessary order of events. However, if you're totally set on controlling the outcome with everything about baking the cake, you might miss wonderful opportunities. For instance, baking this cake could be fun if you let a friend or child participate instead of sending them away. Or, you might have a new ingredient to add to this cake recipe, and if you let your imagination and creativity flow, the same old cake recipe might turn into a delightful new cake. And, yes, sometimes when you deviate a bit, you take a risk of the cake not turning out exactly how you expected it. This is how it is in many other situations in life.

Now think for a moment about a time when you're very task focused, and the energy you bring to this task. Imagine the situation, whether it's at work, at home, with a mate or friend, or with your children. Ask yourself what makes you feel a need to control the outcome here? When you try to control the outcome, how does it feel - in your body - and in your mind? Really tune into this feeling of being 'task oriented' and 'trying to control a certain outcome' right now. Is this a comfortable feeling? Does it feel easy or does it feel forced?

Now picture the people around you as you're powering through the tasks and trying to control the outcome. What do their faces look like? What is their energy like? Do they seem happy or unhappy about your behaviour, intention or action? What do you sense from them? Do they seem to want to be close to you or do they take their distance? What might they be telling you with their body language? What do they say with their words?

Wanting to control outcomes is not a soul or spiritually based desire; it is often based on the ego. It can be a result of past negative experiences, such as being punished as a child when you didn't perform according to your parents expectations, thus invoking an innate fear. It can also be a result of other experiences, such as being rewarded for being in control, getting things done, and achieving things. Wanting to control outcomes can be driven by feeling inadequate, low self-esteem, being an overachiever, perfectionism, or other behaviours. The need to control an outcome is also based on the future, which is not here yet, rather than the enjoyment of the present.

Now picture yourself in the same situation where you felt a need to control the outcome. However, this time, imagine yourself relaxed, gently going with the flow, open to creativity, more open to be in your body and in the moment. Instead of getting things done or doing it a certain way, allow yourself to just be conscious about being alive, expressing joy, and sharing the moment. Surrender. Repeat the following affirmations three times:

Let go of the ego.

Let go of the pushing.

Let go of the struggle and fight.

Become conscious and surrender to what your spirit wants you to know.

(Repeat three times)

Now congratulate yourself. You're on the path to releasing old patterns and starting a new way of dealing with your life. This is a transition. Transitions require you to shed the negative pattern that holds you back and create a new positive way of conducting your life.

Guidance Coach's Tip of the Month:
Transition is not always easy, especially the internal change that comes with a transition. Changing jobs, moving house, starting a new relationship are all physical transitions. Letting go of control, releasing fears, focusing less on tasks and more on other's feelings are all internal transitions. Internal transitions usually require time to adjust to and adapt. Be conscious if you engage in the old behaviour, and then remind yourself to gently move forward into your new way of being. Reward yourself for adapting the new behaviour.

If you need further help with Transitions, here are three valuable resources:

1) Read free Articles on Transition http://www.guidancecards.com/Resources/Index.php

2) Audio Guidance Cards & Journaling Program on Transition http://www.guidancecards.com/Order/Index.php

3) Phone / email Guidance Coaching with Karin Bauer, send an email to express your interest karin@guidancecards.com

Article by Karin Bauer, Copyright 2006.

Did you enjoy learning about today's topic? Do you wish to get more insights?

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Got some feedback, questions or comments? I welcome your thoughts! Email karin@guidancecards.com.